dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
