1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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