He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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