Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
