yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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