she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
