At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize