Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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