It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
