do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
