I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
