overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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