so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
