you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
