just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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