She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
