so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
a search helicopter?!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
