I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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