im holly from the hills drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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