I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
