Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
