I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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