I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
