Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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