I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
