Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
