Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
