I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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