the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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