I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
