True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
honey bunches of taint.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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