when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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