you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
