Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I understand Curling. That high.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
