Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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