I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
