the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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