What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
