I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
