He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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