you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
