so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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