dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize