Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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