yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
