I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize