I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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