Nicole vs. Life
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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