If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
