i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
