What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I lost the right to judge tonight
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
