i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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