Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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