at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
