Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
