i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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