Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
