They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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