to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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