I faked an abortion last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
