thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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