I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
