Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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