Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
