the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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