Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
