you mean i was at the winter classic?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize