There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
