I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
